Thursday, June 26, 2014

Create a New Story

You can create a compelling future if you change your old story!

Does your story hold you back from a great future?

Does your story keep you trapped in the negative emotion?

Have you thought about a new story?

It doesn't matter what kind of past we have had, we can always create a compelling future. I am not saying that the past doesn't hurt or that the past isn't important, because it is very important. The past should be that check in point of what we may not want to create in our future. The past can be learned from and a great benchmark for where we want to go in the future, however we shouldn't focus on  what we don't want anymore without having a clear vision for what we do want.

From personal experience I have a lot of great lessons from my past and of course like many we may also have pain from the past. I also have some amazing experiences and great achievements in my past that I continue to build on. I was very good at telling my story and using it as an excuse as to why I didn't do something or why I failed. I realised that every time I told the story I felt the emotion and lived that time again, I was stuck there for as long as I kept telling the story and feeling the pain. This was very detrimental to my children as I made excuses for them. "If I didn't get divorced they wouldn't be like that, if I didn't work so much they wouldn't be acting up. If I loved them more he wouldn't have taken drugs......the list just goes on and on and the guilt increased and the blame gets bigger.

When I stopped telling the story and opening up wounds, I started to heal, I was able to clear the fog and release shame and guilt and more importantly love myself again. When I say again I mean we started out in this life with love and joy, compassion and empathy, somewhere along the road of life this can turn in to anger, sadness and guilt which are some of the most debilitating emotions, especially if you live there daily. Their is a great talk on Vulnerability that just shifted my thinking and is very enlightening. The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown    
The work I am in allows me exposure to many diverse cultures and I am exposed to many stories of trials and tribulations in peoples lives, some more traumatic than others but non the less everyone has their own experience and feels their own level of emotion.Yesterday is just that....yesterday, you cant not go back to yesterday and you certainly can not change yesterday, today is the present moment we live in and every minute we are living in the now. Tomorrow is yet to come so isn't that a great opportunity to decide what tomorrow will be like? I can wake up and decide, no matter what I choose to be matter what I choose to love and embrace myself.

No matter what, today I choose to..............? Today I will.................? I am most grateful for................?

What is the new story, what do you want the future to be like, look like, feel like? you get to decide. It doesn't matter what others say or do you still get to choose your day, week, month and year! Evidence of this is in many lives such as Victor Frankle's - Mans search for meaning. or Nick Vujicic - No Arms No Legs No Worries. if you look you will find many examples of many people choosing their story, creating a compelling future.

The past is behind you so leave it there!

I once used the analogy of riding a motor bike, I don't ride a motor bike but an old friend of mine does. He was often living in fear about life and what may happen to him in the future based on his past experiences. He often lived in the past which in some cases was very painful. I asked him "when your riding your motor bike how often do you look in the rear view mirror"?  he said that when he was in a built up area this was often, but when he was out on the open road he rarely looked it was just a glance every now and then. I will never forget the connection he made to what I told him next. I said "think of life like riding on the open road, glancing back only briefly to check that your not living in the past and you are creating the future that you want"

Look in the mirror!

What do you see when you look in the mirror? 
I often ask people at a workshop about self esteem and self confidence, what they see when they look in the mirror and some of the replies are astounding.
I don't look.....I don't like what I see, who looks at them-self? 
We are happy to tell our children we love them, yet we don't tell our self, to me this is a little hypocritical. Love starts from within, to love yourself is to love everyone and if we cant love our self how can we teach our children or others.  
Take the time to look in the mirror and tell your new story, be clear about who you are and what you want the future to be like. I often ask someone I am working with what they would like, what kind of job, what they would like their home environment to be like or what kind of relationships they would like to have with their spouse or their children and 9 times out of 10 they start by telling me what they don't want. When I ask the question again " what do you want, what does it look like, feel like or even sound like, and they say "I don't know". 

I ask you this, "If you don't know what you want, how can you create it in your future"? 

Create your story! It doesn't matter if it changes over time just start with being Grateful for what you have and where you are, start the day with thoughts of joy, admire the sky and the beautiful day, if you drive a car be grateful for that, if you have a roof over your head be grateful for that, food on the table and the warmth of the sun. We have many things that we can choose to be grateful for.

Then start to have a vision about your future, what will it look like, what will it feel like, your home, your job, your relationships with people. then each day take action toward creating it, and remember baby steps can lead to greatness. action each day will produce what you want. Compounding each day to get the results of your efforts. 

Compounding results

If I workout 3 times a week I will get more results that if I didn't workout at all. If I read a book a week or a month I will learn more than if I didn't read at all. If I eat good food that nourishes my mind and body I will get the results that I desire. 
Action in the right direction of my future story will support my success.

On the 1st of July we are starting a workshop for "Creating a New Story" we will post some excerpts from these workshops in future Blogs. Thank you for reading and please leave comments.

Donna Moulds

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