Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Coping with Change

Change is inevitable

This is true, it is going to happen, change is one of those things that is just going to happen, and sometimes change happens when we least expect it. Many years ago I was a Nutrimetics consultant, I had a favorite lipstick and I loved this shade, it was stunning and suited me to a tee. One day our new brochure came out for the new season and....well let's just say I was devastated. I could no longer order that shade......I was distraught to say the least. I even called Nutrimetics head office and asked if it was a mistake....they said no!

Now today I see that lipstick as a very silly thing and also the reaction I had to this change was a little over the top. Maybe it has something to do with my age and lack of worldly experiences, maybe it was a perception of loss of sales, I don't recall now what the drama was, it was just a drama and I adapted easily to the change.

Another experience I would like to share is the changes that occurred in our family boxing day 2014. The changes were more significant for my older brother and then the impact had a domino effect throughout the entire family. You see Boxing day 2014 my Brother was very ill and this resulted in him being in a coma for 11 days, the longest 11 days of my life and his of course. The point to this is after the Coma change was inevitable as life was not the same. He had to slow down, he had no choice, he had a long road of recovery in him. He also had a bunch of girls fussing over him and crying at the drop of a hat.....because we all love him.

So change was inevitable due to a situation that had occurred that was out of his control. Some would say he was placed in the hands of God, higher power, the love of his family and amazing medical practitioners.

Change occurs naturally

Over the past 47 years I have been a daughter, a sister, a mother, a wife and friend and many other things in between and I know that change has always been part of the journey. As we grow and evolve into a toddler from a baby, then to a young person then teenager to young adult we experience things that I would refer to as the natural evolution of life, growth and discovery 

What I know to be more true than ever before is that change will happen even when I resist, so it is energetically better to allow the natural changes to happen and then adapt to fight something that will eventually occur anyway.

Change is just a word, does it hold to much meaning for you at times?

The word change has become such a buzz word in the workforce we now do training courses on it. Change Management, Change Adaptation training, The word change has also brought with it the sense of uncertainty. Anyone that knows anything about the 6 Human needs (Anthony Robbins) or Mazlow's hierarchy of needs knows those that do not like uncertainty do not cope well with change.  when change occurs this can create negative feelings and trigger past experiences that were negative.

Let me be more specific about that. Change that is not clear, or can impact negatively on someone can be very emotive for them. 

Things that change naturally;

  • The weather
  • The tides
  • The sun rising and setting

Things that change that you can remove yourself from;

  • Other peoples moods and emotions
  • Negative people
  • Environments that don't serve you

Let go of what you have no or little control over.....just like the weather you have no control, so you don't even think about it as a stressful change.

Thriving not just surviving through change


Thriving is about embracing change and working through the emotions that change bring. In some cases a change can mean you feel elements of stress or even some anxious feelings, for others it can be exciting and something to look forward too.

Strategies I use for embracing Change

When I feel elements of stress or anxiousness about a change I sit in that discomfort for a short time, this allows me to feel what I'm feeling and working through what is going on for me. most of the time it is about uncertainty and what if questions come up. Other times its about a perception of what is going on, when the situation is broken down my perceptions are often not true.

Here is a model that is useful in a business environment and can be adapted personally. If you look at the example you can apply this to a personal situation by asking more specific questions for yourself;

                                         


ADKAR is a goal-oriented change management model that allows people/teams to focus their activities on specific results.  The model was initially used as a tool for determining if change management activities like communications and training were having the desired results during organisational change.

For example,
·          Awareness of the need to change
·          Desire to participate and support the change
·          Knowledge of how to change (and what the change looks like)
·          Ability to implement the change on a day-to-day basis
·          Reinforcement to keep the change in place

So remember change is inevitable and can be more positive with the approach that works for you. As Marie Forleo talks about "Everything is figuroutable"

This is a great Super Soul Sunday Video - Everything is figureoutable


Till my next blog stay brave and true to yourself, 

Donna Moulds 
 

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Reflection then correction

When you don't know what you don't know

Recently I have been speaking with a very close friend about many skills that we need to develop if we want to grow as a person and specifically in a relationship with another person. One of those vital skills was listening skills. Being a better listener is a vital skill for both personal and professional development. The person I was speaking with asked me how I became a better listener, what did I do to develop that particular skill.

Recently we had both seen a post on face book that said "Listen to hear not to respond" and this statement resonated with both of us. On reflection it was resonating with both of us for the opposite reason, I was internally wanting him to listen and he was wanting to listen more deeply. Often when we have conversations that were about emotional topics we fell into the trap of interrupting each other, this was not conducive to what we were attempting to achieve.

Heartfelt understanding and empathy for the other persons views of particular situations. 

He had asked me what books I have read that helped to develop listening skills. I sat for a moment and thought about this question and realised that it was not that I learned to listen through reading a book or practicing listening skills (I do have to practice this at times) but it was actually becoming more conscious of myself and of the person I am engaging with. To be honest it was more about being totally present for the person you are engaged with as they speak. Being more conscious of myself when I go into a state of responding opposed to deeply listening and hearing what the person is saying.

As I reflected more deeply on this I realised that listening to respond can also be about being right not present and feeling defensive, therefore you have the need to respond. For me I tend to get in a state of responding because my brain is going so fast and I need to say something before we move on, we that used to be as now I realise it can also be the ego and its definitely when you are in a state of self, making things about you not about listening to understand at a deeper level.

On the journey of self awareness

Self awareness is a never ending journey and certainly one you get better at with consistent practice and a desire to be present for those you engage with. Awareness of self can be the difference between getting in to a negative state and being so plugged in its detrimental to yourself and those around you or having an awareness of how you are feeling and taking steps to ask some very key questions that can change the situation for the better (Angry, joyful, Sad, guilty, resentful, scared). When we are feeling some of those negative feelings our self awareness can lead us to ask questions of our self.

What am I really feeling at this time?
Why am I feeling ........ about the situation?

 

Raising your level of consciousness 

Raise your level of consciousness is actually really easy to do, here are some of the ways in which you can get started.
  • Keep a journal, spend 10 minutes at the end of the day and write about good things that happened that you can be grateful for and also reflect on what was not so great and what you may be able to differently should that situation occur again. It could be that you don't put yourself in that situation again or could be you approach it differently.

  • When you get an uneasy feeling in your stomach , ask yourself a few questions, "why do I feel this way" "is this as big a deal as I am seeing right now" Am I trying to be right is this my ego at work or do I feel passionate about this.
  •  Accept that we don't always get it right, we are all human and its important we don't aim for perfection as this doesn't exist. Reflection and Correction is the key.
  • Remove labels as much as possible, its important not to get stuck on right and wrong, good and bad. Accept it is and change what you can, let go of what you can not change. 

One of the best tools you can give yourself is the ability to reflect on a situation or situations, sit in the discomfort only long enough to correct in the future. If you need to (if possible) apologise if you feel you need to as this assist in forgiveness. Forgive yourself and then do a better job of listening or communicating next time.

The more we practice being conscious the more natural it will become. Go forth with heartfelt understanding and the willingness to listen actively without interrupting. The practice can be truly magical for all kinds of relationships.

Donna

Friday, June 3, 2016

Purpose and Passion

Purpose

When your purpose is a little blurry!

When you can't see the forest for the trees!
Knowing my purpose has always been a natural thing to me and was always very easy to articulate to others, that is until recently. Recently I have found myself not knowing my purpose and I'm talking about deep inside, not knowing what all this is about and why I am doing what I am doing. For me this is foreign territory and I don't like it, not one little bit.  

Our industry seems to be in turmoil with such corrupt behavior detracting from  our education and training industry. I won't delve into here as I want to stay focused on results and we all know if you can't change it don't waste energy on it. Another RTO damages reputations across our industry.

As much as I can, I am embracing the stage I am going though but I feel extremely vulnerable and off my game. Throughout the past 9 years I have been steadfast in my purpose and in my business, lets face it I teach people new skills, empower life changing results in people and help them start or change careers. Now in all honesty that is pretty awesome stuff if I do say so myself, however I feel like I have lost that vision for where we are going as an organisation and as an individual I feel disheveled and certainly disappointed in the current state of affairs of our training industry, and that's not a great place to be.

I know some of you reading this may ask why disheveled and is that what you really mean? Yes untidy, disorganised, unprofessional.... they may seem like strange feelings or thoughts but when I decided to write this post it was about being authentic and vulnerable as I am certain there are a number of you small business owners who may feel similar if not the same. 

Now don't get me wrong, we are still doing all of those things on a day to day basis and I have the best team around me, in fact the team I am surrounded with are vibrant, hungry for what we stand for, however internally I am not firing on all cylinders.   

Passion

When your passion isn't burning inside of you !

After being in business now for over 9 years I have been faced with a challenge that I have never seen before. You see I have always known my purpose from a very young age, well before I was even a teenager.  It started with being a Mum and I was just as passionate as a Mummy lion in the wild, mess with my cubs and I will kill first and speak later (as Jim Rohn once quoted about Mummy Lions in the wild) He was speaking about your passion in business and how you should be like a mummy lion with your passion for what you do.

In 2007 I was a passionate entrepreneur who would take on the world of adult education. I had a natural ability to get a message across to people and could teach new skills even though I was in such a learning curve myself. Thrust into being in business alone after a separation from my then business partner and husband, I was hungry for it all, passionate about the possibilities and determined never to fail, or as I would later find out fail many times but get back up, dust myself off and get on with it.  

9 Years later I am still very passionate about teaching and love to immerse students in learning new skills and building their confidence and emotional intelligence for them to take on new and exciting ventures, however me myself am feeling less passionate about my life purpose. 

So the question is "what can I do to get out of the slump of lacking purpose and passion"? One of the steps I took was to really acknowledge this is the case. Tell myself the truth about where I am in my life right now and how I'm really feeling regardless of how bad it is. Denial is disempowerment!

Refocus and realign

Getting your vision crystal clear
At this point I would like to clarify that it's not fixed, I am and will always be a work in progress and right now feel that I am turning a corner for bigger and better results. I am still observing myself and making changes in my approach and each day I take action is a day closer to realigning in my new purpose and feeling truly passionate again.  One of the things that gives me feedback constantly is that self reflection about how I am feeling and that fire in my belly that is surging through me on a more frequent basis.

If you want to know if your on the right path again check in internally each day to see how you are going, if nothing changes then you need to do something different and check-in again. We all know the sign of insanity, "doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result".

Things I do to get my Purpose and passion back.

  • Take the time to assess how I am feeling
  • Ask myself what I really want in life (look at the 4 quadrants of life)
  • Re-evaluate my personal and business goals
  • Set audacious goals that align to my core values both personal and business
  • Establish my teams values and goals
  • Take action to work towards them
  • Write it all down and have an action plan to cross things off the list (this helps show you where your making progress) 
  • Do daily gratitude's to remind myself of all that I am grateful for
  • Meditate (this can assist if sleeping becomes an issue)
At times I also need to take more aggressive steps to shift me. 
  • Engage the assistance of an expert coach or business mentor
  • Listen to my mentors audio programs over and over again until its so embedded in my thinking it becomes natural
  • Notes on my bathroom mirror reminding me daily about the achievements not the failures
  • Say no to unimportant things (don't be distracted by things that take your focus away)
  • Refuse to listen to people who try to take you off track. (intentionally or unintentionally)
You will know when your Passion and Purpose are reignited as you will have regained crystal clear focus and a fire in your belly. 

Till next time, live purposefully and passionately we only have one shot in this life! 

Donna Moulds

Books that may ignite your fire:


The compound effect - Darren Hardy
The 10X Rule - Grant Cardone
The success principles - Jack Canfield
The 15 Invaluable laws of growth - John Maxwell
Start where you are - Chris Gardener